Live But Rather Let Die
by amorito
Summary: Rorschach has a little admirer who, surprisingly enough, teaches him something.


**Beta –** Pryer and Ladder

**Disclaimer** – Unfortunately I must admit that I do not own Rorschach or other Watchmen characters. Ellie is mine, though.

**Rating** - K+

**A/N –** This is my second Watchmen fic. You all know how interesting character Rorschach is, I hope I managed to catch some part of his nature into this fic. Enjoy.

The girl had followed him for days now. Rorschach had noticed her after the first few hours, but it was still quite impressive – usually, no one could follow him. How had she found out about him? Had she noticed him beating someone up, maybe even killing? That was bad news, if it was true.

It was almost 5 am and he was heading home. It had been a frustrating night; there had been no people to play with. Irritated by this young follower, he considered whether or not he had been as careful as usual. What if he had found someone to punish? Actually, that may have been a good thing; maybe that would have scared the girl away. It wasn't safe to wander around during dark nights.

Then, suddenly, Rorschach realised that he wasn't being followed anymore. _Where was she?_ Oddly enough, he had wished she would go away but now that she had, it felt as though something was missing. Rorschach sneaked into a side alley and waited there, the smell of urine and filth accompanying him. She neither walked pass nor gave away her presence with breathing or footsteps. He inched back to the street, face towards where he had just come from. _No little follower._ Rorschach became curious. Was it possible that the girl had found a way to stalk him without him noticing?

_Some noise from the other side alley._ Rorschach moved closer. _A fight, perhaps?_ Two robbers fighting over a purse wasn't really something he was interested in, but it was infuriating that he hadn't noticed those scums before. Couple of confused grunts and silent punches; then someone teetered back to the street. Rorschach stepped quickly at the end of the alley. _Now there she is!_

The girl was surprisingly young, maybe 17 or 18, tops. She was pale and sweaty but her tense jaw line and burning eyes showed that she had been the source of those angry little punches. With mild surprise Rorschach noticed her clothes: her brown trench was almost a copy of his own, as were her old, tattered shoes. She breathed heavily to calm herself and, only after she had done so, lifted her eyes at Rorschach. He moved a little closer, but that scared the girl away. She ran deeper into the dark alley, towards the narrow light that was the next street. She was fast.

Rorschach was faster.

He jumped onto a couple of dumpsters, then on the roof of an abandoned car and then in front of the girl.

"Wait!" he growled as the girl tried to get away. Useless really, what could she do to shake him off? She froze still as Rorschach had been his commander of some sort. _Good choice._

"Why are you following me?" he insisted. The girl looked bravely at the spot where Rorschach's eyes were. They were almost equal in height.

"I want to know who you are," she said.

"You already know. You wouldn't follow someone you didn't know. Who are you?" he asked. He wasn't interested in the girl's identity at all, but if she was planning on continuing to follow him, he felt he should know.

"Ellie," she said plainly. Rorschach wasn't quite sure if it were he or the girl that was stupid. Either way, he was very tired of this.

"Listen, stop following me. You are not very good at it and it can get you to places where you are not supposed to be," he hissed, and abruptly turned and left. If that didn't do it, there was nothing else he could do. At least anything non-violent. "Go home."

He felt Ellie's eyes burning holes into his back, but he refused to turn around. He was faster, stronger and knew the streets better than her – it wouldn't be hard to get away from her. Soon he was home, but something made him look between the shabby blinds outside, where the pale morning lazily colored the grey walls. Ellie stood there, looking impassive but alert. Rorschach snorted and left the window with despise. She obviously knew a different route to his apartment, since he hadn't noticed her presence. If she wanted to be there, fine. After all, she was a smaller threat to him than a fly buzzing against his window.

It's strange, how people get used to things they can't change. Ellie was still walking behind Rorschach almost a week later. They hadn't spoken to each other anymore, Rorschach hadn't shown any signs of interest or notice but they both were aware of each other's knowledge. The only change was that Ellie dared to walk a little closer than before. Not much though; there was still a block between them, sometimes less, sometimes more. First couple nights it had been almost unbearable. Rorschach felt that Ellie took a great part of his concentration even though he didn't give her a thought. But, as said, he got used to her presence.

Then, one night, Ellie received even bigger part of his attention. If it had been daytime, the block between them could as well have been a world. Now that it was a still, misty night, everything was clearer. First there were footsteps and mumbling voices of men. They grew louder and more irrational before bursting into words.

"Hey, how much?"

"I wonder if she can handle all of us…"

"Nah, she wouldn't be here at this hour if she wasn't an expert, would you, honey?"

"Not much of a talker? Is she even here?"

"She's high, must be. Even better for us…"

Ellie didn't even walk faster. Rorschach turned from a corner and waited. Not because of her, but those fuckers that disturbed the night's peace.

"Who do think you are? Just a common whore but still so proud that can't even stand still for a while?"

"Come here you…" He didn't know if it was a real gasp or just his imagination, but Rorschach pictured in his head one of the young men grabbing Ellie's wrist. He glanced at the street. _Still a half a block away._

There were five of them, and Ellie was in the middle. Rorschach could not see her but could hear them all the same.

"Are you retarded or just stupid?"

"Probably just too tired of tonight's work…" Greasy laughter. Then a clearer voice, couple of staggered gasps and something shimmering.

"Back off, and no one will get hurt." Louder laughter, probably due to cover up the seed of fear.

"Well, this kitty has watched some movies and learned a couple of lines!" Some quick movements and a shout. Then the circle precipitated and became imminent. Rorschach moved and started to approach. He hoped that Ellie wasn't stupid enough to look at him.

She wasn't.

A minute later, the teenage boys, one of them bleeding from the wound on his cheek, were gone. _Perhaps they ran home, where their mothers sit passed out in front of TVs, ropes awkwardly open and eyeliners spread scruffily under their eyes._

"Why can't you just stay at home?" Rorschach asked, irritated. Ellie didn't have time to answer: a police car turned on to the street they were standing in. The spotlight headed towards them; Ellie still had the bloody switchblade open in her hand. She closed and hid it quickly under her jacket but Rorschach knew it wouldn't help; the boys had turned them in. He made up his mind in a fragment of seconds: he shot the grappling hook somewhere above them, grabbed Ellie around the waist, and prepared himself to the sudden twitch of the robe. Once they were on the roof, they ran across it, jumped from one roof to the other until they were sure to be safe. For a while, anyway.

"Now, speak," Rorschach insisted. They were on a rooftop above the others; the only way down were the fire escape, which Rorschach knew were quite shaky and unstable. "Why don't you just stay at home? Haven't I made myself clear? I don't want you to be here," he said, knowing that he probably had great authority over girl.

"I can't," she said plainly and sat down on the edge of the roof. He didn't ask why; he wasn't particularly interested, but he assumed that she would tell. And she did. "You knew my aunt," she said then, fingers pressing the cold stone of her sitting place.

"I doubt that," Rorschach expressed, tugging his hands to his pockets.

"That mask is made of her dress," she said quietly, eyes attached on his face. A moment of silence fell on the roof for a while.

"I didn't know her," he said plainly and sat down too, few feet away from Ellie.

"But you just happen to own her dress?" she said acridly. Rorschach's neck clicked as he turned his head to Ellie. She couldn't see his face but probably figured that it wasn't a nice look he gave to her. She didn't seem to mind. "I live in her apartment occasionally," she continued. "But since her death my mother has visited often which means that her husband comes after her and that…" She licked her lips, trailing off.

"Her husband?" Rorschach repeated after a few moments.

"Well, he's supposed to be my father but he says almost every day that I'm not his daughter, that he can't be my father, that my mother is…" Another phrase hung unfinished in the air.

"He hated aunt Kitty," Ellie said to the sky. "And he hated the fact that mother visited her here so often. That's what probably made him believe she was… unfaithful," she said.

"But why follow me?" he asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I trust you, that's all. I'm safer with you than alone waiting for… someone," she ended. That wasn't the ending she had planned and he knew it. But somehow, it made sense.

Silence fell again. Rorschach wasn't used to this kind of interaction. His conversations with Dan or others were mainly based on the fact that he listened and answered as shortly as possible or not at all. They all understood or just didn't care. But now Rorschach found _himself_ asking things. He decided to stop before he would be in too deep. But Ellie continued. She had been examining him during this short moment of silence.

"You're not like anyone else," she stated. "You don't ask about my school life or… anything. Not that you should," she added quickly.

Rorschach felt irritation rising again. "It's just because I'm not interested," he said, but either the girl didn't hear or pretended to be deaf.

"What is it like?" she asked then. Rorschach was looking at the sky. The stars were there somewhere, but the twinkling city lights and unhealthy smog covered them pretty carefully.

"Being a… Watcher?" she added when he didn't answer.

"Harsh, ungrateful and useless," he said coldly. Partly he was serious, partly not; he wasn't sure he could explain it to a girl who probably didn't know anything about the world in general.

"Yes," she said thoughtfully. "That sounds about right." Rorschach was quite sure that she was just sucking up to him and stood. For a moment he thought of leaving the girl alone on the roof, but he wasn't sure how intelligent the cops after them were: they could be on the building door at the very moment. He glanced down to the street, but it was as empty as any other quiet street in the neighbourhood.

"How could you possibly know?" he retorted then; he couldn't help himself when such a stupid sentence hung in the air.

"I'm not saying I know, it just sounds truthful. I'm very well aware that it's harsh – anyone would understand. Ungrateful is also pretty much correct since everybody's not sure how to see you guys. And that useless part I'm not sure, but I guess we can leave some things unsolved."

Rorschach probed Ellie for a while. She was being very serious; it was visible in her face, and her voice was free from insolence. Perhaps the girl _was_ more intelligent than it had appeared.

"I've always wondered…" Ellie started after a moment of silence. Rorschach held back a sigh. Oddly enough, the girl was irritating as hell, but still somehow intriguing. Definitely not likable, but Rorschach's interest was still satisfied. "…why the masks?" she continued.

His neck clicked awkwardly when he turned his head to the girl. "What about them?" he asked defensively. After all, she was questioning not only his profession, but his identity.

"If you are doing good things – helping the public and all – why do you want to hide your identities? People could rely on you more if you showed that you are just ordinary people as well."

Rorschach decided to reconsider if the girl was smart at all.

"Think of yourself," he answered impatiently. "There are so many things that could go wrong. Normal people, Average Joe's, don't bring safety. When we are god-like, above everyone else, we can rule the underworld… and the world," he added, lowering his voice so that hopefully Ellie could not hear him.

"And," he continued, wanting to shut Ellie's mouth that was beginning to open, "us showing our mortal side makes other people think they can do this as well. But they can't. They couldn't," Rorschach said simply. He was happy that Ellie didn't respond, but that happiness lasted only a few precious moments.

_Apparently she's one of those people who always want to have the last word._ "But if ordinary people started to play heroes, that would cause a lot of accidents and deaths. And that would be good, since that would be like natural selection. The most stupid specimens would vanish because of their lack of self-knowledge." Rorschach had to admit yet again that this was a good, yet oddly cold thought from basically such a seemingly innocent girl. It resembled his own thoughts more.

The cold minutes of that weird time, when it is no longer night but not morning quite yet, were ticking. Ellie sniffed every once in a while, Rorschach stayed quiet. During this lull of silence, a thought rose to his mind. If the girl knew he had known her aunt – well, at least known who she was – what else did she know about him? At least his address, maybe his real name too? His quick and sudden turn made Ellie flinch.

"Let's have a little quiz," he said with a voice that had made wife-beating bikers wet themselves. Ellie just looked at him, waiting and interested. Rorschach was relieved that she couldn't see under his mask; otherwise his harsh voice wouldn't have made any impression coming from a visibly twitching face.

"What else have you found out? You know where I live, who I know, where I go… And I don't even know why," he ended frustrated. It was peculiar how comfortable he felt himself admitting this. Maybe it was because there were no other on this roof but him and an isolated adolescent; there were no important witnesses to his unusual uncertainty.

"What are you so afraid of? That I would reveal my information for someone?" Ellie asked. He didn't say anything; he was still trying to ease his lust of murdering this ignorant teen. She continued, looking both overwhelmed and irritated.

"I don't _have_ anyone to tell about you. And I definitely don't need to sell you to the press or police; I'm not that desperate," she said contemptuously.

"Is it so hard to believe that you are someone who I can look up to? Someone that has right values and beliefs and morals," she said. Rorschach tried to evaluate if Ellie was serious or not, but it was hard since she looked more fierce and upset.

"Right _morals_, you say? _Values_? My morals and values are telling me to throw you down to the street, but I won't, since there might police officers to catch you, and therefore catch me," Rorschach threw back. He wanted to make clear that he was serious; after all, that _was_ going through his mind at that time. He hated the fact that he was letting him self go like that, but now that he had started, it was hard to stop. "Pretending to be my shadow doesn't make you a psychic. You know nothing and still too much," he retorted.

The silence fluttered in the night. Finally Rorschach turned away, walked on the other side of the roof, and sat himself on the edge just like Ellie.

Hours flew past, until the fluorescent screens and street lights started to dim. Sun rose somewhere behind the tall skyscrapers, but not for the roof where a masked man and his accomplice sat. When Rorschach got up, it looked effortless and strong, as if he hadn't sit on a cold, hard stone for hours.

"You know I'm not doing everything by the law? And that moral is something you can't possibly understand?" he asked then.

"Of course," she answered as she rose, grimacing in pain. "But some things can't be explained, and it's probably better like that."

Rorschach agreed, but didn't say it out loud. He got to the fire door in the corner of the roof top and broke the already loose handle. He didn't wait for her, but instead started down the stairs, knowing Ellie would soon be only a few steps behind.

Rorschach thought that night through while examining Ellie's corpse. Broken blood vessels in her open, staring eyes looked a little like stars; her bare hands and feet told that she had been fighting back. A quick look around told Rorschach that her knife was laying alone a few feet from the body, apparently unharmed. The brown jacket was open, the white top underneath it worn and filthy. Her ribs poked through the fabric like a bird cage under a thin veil. Ellie could have blabbed to the papers about hers and Rorschach's little get-together. She could have blabbed, taken the money and left, but she hadn't. Instead, she had respected her paragon.

The morning was so young that the streets were seemingly empty. Still, he didn't want to take the risk of getting caught by the fresh body; he hemmed a little, turned around and walked away. He still didn't know anything about the girl and why she had been killed, but as she herself had said: some things are better to leave untouched.


End file.
